Greetings from my bed, where I currently reside every moment that I'm not in school or consuming mass amounts of cereal. Since this post comes to you in the middle of the week while I am caught up in the midst of school and homework and lots of teen girl emotions the next few paragraphs will give you your daily dose of endearingly pathetic teen angst. (This is one of those diary posts I warned you about.)
My school is small (around 90 to 100 people tops) so I know almost everyone which can be comforting and unsettling because I'm pretty sure everyone knows me too. No one really talks to me because a.) I'm a freshman and b.) I mostly hang out with the most gorgeous and "popular" (I kind of hate that term) girl in my class so I'm always surrounded by people but never really engaging. I like it sometimes because I can observe everyone and no one pays attention. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even a student, just an observer feeding my curiosity for today's youth. (That sounds unintentionally creepy.) Walking through the hallways is an entire ordeal unto itself, sometimes it feels like everything is in slow motion and it's all on a tipping point, like at any moment things could just fall apart and people would realize just, how pointless so many things are.
Below are some stills from some of my favorite tv shows of the 90s that encapsulate most to all of my feelings about high school at the moment.
|THIS PHOTO IS SO IMPORTANT|
I've also been thinking a lot about validation recently. Especially what validates feelings and how that relates to angst and all that fun stuff.
While in New York I was talking to a friend of mine (granted she is an adult woman so she's been through all this) and we were talking about this blog and how I'm perpetually terrified that my feelings are not validated and therefore should not be felt/talked about/acknowledged. She brought up the good question of "Is angst really that bad?" and that really got me thinking, I mean I've always been told "Don't become one of those self centered angsty teenagers!" and maybe I'm focusing too much on that one word but I feel like it kind of covers all the feelings I'm going for. I mean, this is really the only time I can feel like this and write about things like this without seeming like a total loser. (What I'm getting at is you don't see a lot of 30 somethings spending their Tuesday evenings googling images of Daria to put on their blog.) She also pointed out that hey, this is the time! I'm a teenage girl RIGHT NOW and I can be angsty RIGHT NOW so I might as well embrace it. So that's what I'm doing. Or at least trying anyway.
So, to conclude, Lillie is still obsessed with what being a real, validated teenage girl is and still trying to explain all her thoughts on the word angst.
All images from Google